I am probably the nicest human being ever.

I would like it to be said that my petit brother's birthday is hereabouts. Unfortunately, as you all know, I am not going to be there.

So, I bought and gave him his present early.

Not to brag or anything, (don't you know what's coming now) but I got him the best birthday present ever. It may have been a bit expensive, but really, in the big scheme of things, surely that doesn't matter. Anyway, it truly was the best birthday present. Thoughtful and long-lasting and delicious. . . .

Yeah, I got him two packs of Trident-Layers gum.

I'm an awesome sister.

Cousin Arnold!

Okay, I don't have a real Cousin Arnold. My Sims do.

Since the objective of my game is essentially to achieve stuff, and Laura likes to stretch the limits of her game (How many neighbors can I trap in my kitchen? Will my grandmother pinch the cheeks of her step-son's half-sister's child's best friend? What if I spend all my money putting playground equipment on the roof?) we have to test the negative stuff (mid-life crisis, pranks, skipping school, copying homework, not doing homework, becoming enemies with everyone in town, traps that will potentially kill my Sim, ugly houses) and we accomplish this with Cousin Arnold.

Cousin Arnold wears an orange-and-grey-blotched undershirt with a simoleon necklace-bling and pants with drooping suspenders. He goes barefoot, befriends everyone, and sports a mullet and a mohawk. Cousin Arnold is Evil, Insane, Friendly, Mean-Spirited, and (sometimes) a Kelptomaniac. He lives in the gym when he has no friends. He doesn't often get the chance to take showers. . . .

Cousin Arnold also tests stuff that Laura and I think are vulgar, like retro-car rooms and ugly clothes. He's flunked everything there is to flunk and would probably be Best Friends with a similar character, Grandma Moush.

It's nice to know that the Cousin Arnolds of the world are safely contained in my computer.

So I meant to write a blog post. . . .

I've been attempting to write something for the past thirty minutes now but I keep being sidetracked by the royal family and Canada's government, so I'm going to send you to this frightening video instead.

(Okay, when I mean frightening, I really mean alarming. I am never being a NYC pedestrian ever again.)

Now I'm off to go try to understand the Britishness of Canada. Wish me luck--I'll probably need it. (Sadly. . . .)

Daisy is 3!

Yes, yes, thank you, I'm very proud. *clinks sparkling healthy organic fruit beverage* It's been a long journey. . . .And I must admit *coughs, embarrassed* that there were some times----some times that we just didn't know what we were doing.Some of the time we asked ourselves why we let Daisy ransack our lives.Was it because of her beautiful personality?Her charisma?

Her prestige?

Her ability to squeeze herself into small spaces?Maybe, making some of our past queries null and void, it was her extreme cleanliness.Then, we realized. . . .
She was really really cute and fluffy. We love you, Daisy

June 11,2011--and thanks to Laura for taking a creepy/adorable amount of pictures of Daisy.

ONE HUNDRED POSTS!!!

If I was professional, I would have all sorts of cool stuff to give you all. Like, um. . . giveaways and statistics, maybe? (See. I have no idea what I am talking about. I am a disgrace.)

Unfortunately, I am not a professional blogger. (So. . . yeah, no personalized phone covers. Sorry.)

Therefore, I am going to look at my tenth, twentieth, thirtieth, etc. posts and choose my favorite sentences.

Try to tell me that this is not the best non-kitten picture EVER. I call it a "crack" because it sounded just like those rice cake things your mom gives you when you're a toddler to occupy you in the grocery store, as opposed to stealing samples. My little brother still pertains to his opinion that I need a favorite dinosaur. [. . . ]we should have a big USING UP SUMMER FOOD! party. IMPROV EVERYWHERE I'm off to look through the window, the wonderful window by the door. But until then, we shall wait (and drink tea and eat cookies and read magazines!) Off to buy sunglasses for mah kitties and me to hide our fame. [. . . ]my little sister and mother rented a video called "Kitten Party" which was just kittens running around being cute for 75 minutes.

A summary of my blog in nine sentences. Thanks to all of you for reading, commenting, and pestering me to post when I am (embarrassingly) trying to hide in my hovel, isolated from all mankind including my wonderful friends.

How to Take a Tourist Photograph

I know you all are probably planning some FASCINATINGLY fascinating summer trips around the world. I support this. Even though you don't invite me, I support this. *ahem* Again, even though you don't invite me. . . [:)]

I have decided, then, that I should be a good person and give you a hint as to how to take vacation photographs.

STEP THE FIRST: Find a monument, landmark, or even something totally unimportant--but you need to have skill to pull the last one off.

STEP THE SECOND: Find some people to take the photo or be in it with you. For the reason of convenience, this will usually be a friend or family member. However, if you want to really get into the tourism spirit, I suggest pulling in a random person. Or six.

STEP THE THIRD: Find a pose! The two basic poses here are PERKY and FATIGUED.

• Fatigued: I suggest slumping, putting your head back, yawning, closing your eyes, falling over, etc.
• Perky: I suggest opening your mouth to a grotesque extent and then widening it, so that is may vaguely be fathomable as a smile. You may also pull up the fatigued person, preferably so that their feet dangle in the air, but basically in an enthusiastic manner. You must then decide upon a sign. I suggest either the peace sign or the Justin Bieber hand heart. You will then, preferably, repeat it in all your other pictures. In case you haven't already guessed, it will be advised that you open your eyes as far as they can. Spilling a cup of coffee is optional.
  
• Astonished: Anyone can adapt this, but if you haven't master it you will end up looking like a lazy perky person. This is an ideal expression for the other tourists that you pull into your photograph. It appears often in that it is sadly realistic.

STEP THE FOURTH: Prop time! Although you may bring in inanimate objects, like food, they are not nearly as fun as REAL LIVE PEOPLE!!! (see above) (NOTE: For food, I suggest lightheaded bliss or staggering appall.) Now that you have your other people with you, the fatigued people can slump on them, the perky people can point to them while mouthing unnecessary phrases, and the astonished people can stagger back at the sight of others of their kind.

STEP THE FIFTH: Now you're all set for traveling, except for one important point: what if you are the one taking the photograph?

• Perky: Shake the camera (in excitement!) or take at least seven photos.
• Fatigued: Focus on something to the far left of the photo scene and tilt the camera.
• Astonished: Take several pictures off-target just a bit--not as much as a fatigued person. You know, cut off the landmark or the people's heads.

I trust that you will now have much fun on your summer vacations.

Even though I am not coming with you. *sniff*

The Best Sunscreen Ever

At our local épicerie, my mother and I were browsing the suncreen aisle (you know, because of the whole aaahhh, sun, ultra-violet waves, aahhhh, skin cancer, roll on the ground, shrivel into a shell thing) and we found the best sunscreen EVER.

This sunscreen is THE best sunscreen ever. (I think my lack of eloquence shows how much you can trust me) It is not slimy; it is grainy (but not in a bad way, in a stick-on-your-skin-and-block-UV-rays-way) and it is skin colored, so you do not have white streaks all over yourself. It is vegan and organic.

So, as a Victorian spinster, I give this suncreen a tap of my parasol for those of you who actually go outside in the summertime.