I am probably the nicest human being ever.

I would like it to be said that my petit brother's birthday is hereabouts. Unfortunately, as you all know, I am not going to be there.

So, I bought and gave him his present early.

Not to brag or anything, (don't you know what's coming now) but I got him the best birthday present ever. It may have been a bit expensive, but really, in the big scheme of things, surely that doesn't matter. Anyway, it truly was the best birthday present. Thoughtful and long-lasting and delicious. . . .

Yeah, I got him two packs of Trident-Layers gum.

I'm an awesome sister.