A Redirection to a Redirection

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My Sincere Apathy for Showering

I do not like showering. This is not logical. I like being alone, and I like being clean. I do not like showering. I wish that there was a way to be efficient while showering, because showering is like a vacuum of time.

I suppose at the root of this is that I have to comb my hair in the shower, which is a dreadful task and makes my showers twenty minutes long. So not only do I have to inflict pain upon myself, I am cold and probably am going to be hated by every eco-friendly person in the world.

It is a terrible thing to be me, my friends.

WHY I AM NOT AN AFTERNOON PERSON

I am trying to be efficient.

School is starting soon. I need to do stuff, and clean stuff, and organize stuff, and write blog posts.

In the mornings I do crosswords.

So I try to write blog posts in the afternoon.

Unfortunately, I have absolutely no energy in the afternoon. (This is a bigger problem when I am in school and have homework.) Anything you ask me to do in the afternoon may not be up to my usual standards.

Also there is a train going by my house. Every time I start to do something productive, the train goes by my house.

productivethoughtsproductivethoughtsproductivethoughtsproductivethoughtsproductivethoughts
WHHHHHHHEEEEERproductivethoughtsproductivethoughtsBRANNNNHHHHHgahproductive
thoughttrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoisetrainnoiseWHHEEER

The resulting headache enables me to write such sentences of pure genius as the one above.

I had oatmeal for breakfast.

I DID have oatmeal for breakfast. Because it is the best breakfast you can have, according to three magazines and the internet. When I have oatmeal, I get lots of nutrition and fiber while getting very little fat. When I add fruit, which provides Vitamin C, I receive short-term energy.

So I can walk away from my breakfast feeling light and happy.

Except that it's rather depressing to eat oatmeal. I have to force myself to eat it, through a combination of willpower, lots of peaches, and sheer force. Because as nutritious as it is, oatmeal is not a big happiness-inducer. I like mocha-chips muffins much better and they are probably not as nutritious.

I am going to issue a challenge for myself (and y'all too, if you feel so inclined).

I am going to see how many --GAH! I cannot finish my sentence because my father is reading a newspaper article aloud to my brother about animals escaping from the Central Park Zoo.

*closes eyes, makes that hand motion people do when they're meditating (ya know, when they put the tips of their fingers together), breathes* Okay. I want to see how many different way I can make oatmeal so that it's still healthy AND exciting.

I'm going to go look for some cheese.

Have! Lots! Of! Fun! In! Paris!

I would apologize for the lack of posts but it is summer, so I am going to presume you have better things to do with your life, like, for example, vacationing in exotic places without internet connection.

If you've just been sitting at home I have no pity for you, as we're obviously the ones having the most fun. My life is so exciting. I have a very busy schedule--move arm at 10:20, get another pillow at eighteen till eleven, close eyes at 11:02, sigh at 11:03. . . the list goes on. I am like a party of gummy bears. That is how much fun I am having.

You don't believe me? Well, I have brownies. What now.

I haven't been posting not because of a natural disaster or anything not under my control, I've just been lazy. (It occurs to me that that last sentence is not a particularly flattering one, perhaps not even one I want to put on my blog. . . oh well, it's going there anyway, because I'm too exhausted from sitting in an actual upright position to think of a better reason.)

Also I have been doing crosswords.

I think I'm going to end this post before I fall completely asle787888888888888888888888uuyuhjyyyyyyyyyyyyy777eee34htngt n m ;

That was a tortuous assignment until. . .

Instead of brushing up on my athletic knowledge (is there really any difference between an umpire and a referee?!?!?) for my science project a long long while ago, I decided to stick with the Victorian activity of croquet. (I would have done badminton, except all the pictures were of tennis moms and that was most unbecoming.)

It was really quite fun once I decided upon my sport, and I then I got to write the whole thing in Victorian speech, which inspired awe, and then I got to use Victorian pictures, which really were fantastic. I highly recommend searching "Victorian croquet" images and looking at all the pretty pictures I used. :)

I am probably the nicest human being ever.

I would like it to be said that my petit brother's birthday is hereabouts. Unfortunately, as you all know, I am not going to be there.

So, I bought and gave him his present early.

Not to brag or anything, (don't you know what's coming now) but I got him the best birthday present ever. It may have been a bit expensive, but really, in the big scheme of things, surely that doesn't matter. Anyway, it truly was the best birthday present. Thoughtful and long-lasting and delicious. . . .

Yeah, I got him two packs of Trident-Layers gum.

I'm an awesome sister.