My Cats and the Deathly Compost

Well, I think it'd be a best seller. And make movies. And be annoyingly popular.

There's nothing much to hodgepodge, but here are my rules for church dressing:

-No shoulders. We do not care that you are giving yourself skin cancer by tanning. I mean, we do care, but we're focusing on the Lord, not your shoulders. And some of us (me) are thinking about how stupid that is, even though we have to do it before the "forgive our sins" part.
-No backs. I don't even understand this one. Why would you want to show off your back? And who wants to look at your back?
-No flip-flops. It's very noisy. Even though they were very "in" last year, and they may be the only nice pair of shoes you have, DO NOT WEAR THEM.
-No layers. A nice suit jacket, shrug, or cardigan is okay. Church is cold, yes? But REALLY? LAYERED TANK TOPS?
-No miniskirts. Some of wish you would keep that at home. Most of us, actually.
-No t-shirts or anything else sloppy. I should think this was obvious. If you have nice clothes, wear them. If you don't, go buy some.

My rules for church behavior:

-No excluding people. Well, this is obvi. I pity you.
-No "pretending not to see" the eight-year-old usher. We do not discriminate. If he's the one closest to your entrance, then you receive the pamphlet from him. If you have to crouch on the ground, so be it. I do not pity you, I just hope you're not wearing a miniskirt. See above.
-No agreeing with whatever the minister says to your neighbor every time he says something. Come, come.
-No somersaults. I don't think I have to explain.
-No running. There are lots of sweet elderly people.

I digress.