I struggle with menial activities.....

Last night, it being half-past our accustomed dinner hour, my little sister and I decided to make our customary Sunday night dinner: grilled cheese sandwiches, popcorn, and smoothie.

The popcorn was easy enough (even though I wasn't expecting the loud noise from the popping machine and jumped backwards, therefore banging my back painfully into the oven door handle) and the butter-melting was not alarming at all. (Not like melting marshmallows.) The smoothie was very, very good.

But the grilled cheese...........

I can make fried chicken. I can make loads and loads of desserts. I can make French toast with stale biscuits at six in the morning, but I cannot make grilled cheese sandwiches.

First I toasted the bread without cheese and burned it. Then I covered the surface of the bread with thin cheese slices. Then the cheese burned. Then I put more cheese on top of the burned pieces. Then the bread broke in half. Then the bread burned more. Then you couldn't see the cheese.

Then I was sick of the sandwich and sent it to its doom via slapping it on a plate and thrusting it into my siblings' faces.

They ate them.

My dear friend and I had luncheon..............

It being May and allegedly pretty outside, my friend and I decided to go on a walk to our favorite cafe and sip delightful ice beverages and munch on delicate sandwiches outside under the glorious sky with sunshine, etc.

Except that it was cloudy, but we took it in stride (ha) and went anyway. As soon as we sat down at our lovely table, we realized we were not alone.

No. That would have been too dignified. No, we were sitting right next to a joyful reunion of two families. A rather loud reunion.

Me and My dear friend (MDF): Nom. *eat food, sip delightful organic healthy carbonated icy fruit beverages*
People at table next to us: lady, husband of other lady, infant, 9-month old:
--Lady: Ooh, we're going to France in autumn! Ooh, yay, so exciting. SO expensive. Tsk. We're going to France!
--Husband of other lady: *patting infant* *nodding*
MDF and I: *exchange glances*
People at table next to us: now Other Lady, her six-year-old, and Lady's child join them.
--Little Girls: *holding Lady's phone* Look!
--Lady: Ooh, what did you do? *looks* Sent a message to Facebook?
--Little Girls: *incoherent*
--Lady: Join Facebook! *laughs*
--Little Girls: *louder* Mommy, the baby's eating dirt!
--Lady: Oh. *Swoops up nine-month-old and puts on metal chair* *not even trying to get it out of the baby's mouth*

The baby had been eating dirt for some time now.

--Husband of Lady: Look! *holds out plate with a loaf of bread on it* *French accent*
--Husband of Other Lady: That's some serious bread, dude!
--Husband of Lady: It was for this much money in the deli! *French accent*

MDF and I: *get cookies*
MDF and I: *come back*

People at table next to us:
--Husband of lady: *strollers Infant over to Little Girls, who are poking HUGE dogs*
--Lady: I'm so worried about my little daughter! She's had this horrible rash!
--Other Lady: Oh, usually that's caused by wheat, dairy, or soybeans!
--Husband of Lady: *eats serious bread with knife and fork*
--Lady: I know! I took her to the pediatrician but they didn't say anything. *sigh* I wonder what it could be. I thought it might be strawberries. I've tried taking away foods for a week and seeing if that affects her rash.
--Husband of Lady: *chews*
MDF and I: *exchange glances*

I think we all know what the baby's been eating that gives her a rash. . . .*ahem* dirt *ahem*

--Nine-month-old: *rocks metal chair around, shakes back of chair, falls off, eats dirt again*

My goodness, that poor baby.

I do hope French dirt is healthy.

Barbie Says it All

My great-aunt was a first-grade-teacher. When she passed a away, we inherited a lot of her crafts because we were at the right ages.

This past week, we were organizing our 'party bin' into a 'party closet hanging thing', and we found an 80's Barbie Valentine, which says "You're fun to know!!!" (three exclamation marks not included but implied.) If anything from the 80s should be kept, it is the distinctly impersonal valentines. Even though what you really need is a valentine that says "Yay, free class, enjoy the candy." or "If you eat too much Fun Dip stay to that side of the room, away from me." or "I broke your lollipop. Whatever."

I distinctly remember a year when my little sister and I, having used up all the lollipops with non-attached feeling, gave all the "Hug me" and "Kiss me" lollipops to my four-year-old little brother. (This is why we stick with Dove chocolate now.) No wonder so many of his friends are girls.All that aside, though, who could resist extreme jazz hands, sparkly pants, and creepy braids?

Do NOT do this at YOUR new home

Yesterday, my mother and I went over to our other house, which is usually rented. We decided to clean out the kitchen.

So, after cleaning the sink and organizing the silverware, we open the cabinets to find--I kid you not--

• A glass (crystal?) punchbowl and approximately twelve glass teacups to accompany it.
• A set of china plates, gold-rimmed.
• Two glass candlestick holders.
• A glass butter dish.
• A glass dish-cover.
• At least seven corn-on-the-cob dishes.
• A glass bowl full of corn prongs.
• Fancy silverware, of which at least some must be silver.
  

And all this in a house painted--on the inside--sage green, lime green, and sky blue. The moral of the story is to never ever leave your great-grandmother's prized possessions in one of your houses because people will have to deal with them. And stare at them. And pity your dear great-grandmother.

Poisson d'Avril

It is the first of April. Not being a family for pranks and jokes (although my sister has been trying to convince me that I have a bug in my hair since eight) but feeling that we should do something, my siblings and I decided to do something French: drawing fish and taping them to people's backs. People being my aunt, with whom we are going to have frozen yogurt with at two.Oh no! I have mercury in me!

Help! I ate a plastic bag!

My name is Bob. Even if I tell you otherwise.

Yay Realization.......

I love spring because everything is my favorite color. My favorite color is the color of overcooked mashed green peas.

It's beautiful.

So I am in the car, talking excitedly to my mother about how the world is my favorite color and I how lovely it is that some of the leaves are out and aren't they a beautiful color? To which my mother looks at me and says "Emma. That is the color of pollen."

Yay. I like the color of pollen.

So, while book reviewers can say in their usual exuberant way "While the world's previous colors have been separate gems of their own, 'dark blue' is a color sure to entrance even the youngest of book reviewers." and artist can say "I love all beige. I use it in all my paintings. My masterpiece is going to be a beige canvas" and writers can say. "I like black.", I can say "I like the color that not only makes people's eyes water but makes them sneeze uncontrollably and curse the world from inside their curtained windows."

A Battle in Buy Mode

Before I turned on the computer......

Me: Hey, Peter and Laura, do you want to be on a blog post about your Sims?
Laura: Sure!
Peter: Okay, but you have to spell ten dinosaur names. This is a spelling test. Starting now. Spell 'Tyrannosaurus Rex.'
Me: *exasperated* Do YOU know how to spell that?
Peter: SPELL IT!!!
Me: T-y-r-a-n-n.......

---

Laura: You're obviously going to make this funnier than it is.
Me: *types*
Laura: Emma!
Me: *typing*
Laura: And you're probably going to make up lines.
Me: *sigh* No. Okay. So. Um, Peter.... tell me about the Pop Stove family.
Peter: First of all, their middle name is not "Pop" all the time.
Me: So their permanent last name is "Stove"?
Peter: Yes. Second of all, the mom and the dad are aliens.
Me: But their son is not.
Peter: He is not because, well, he landed on a car out of the spaceship.
Me: But he's Caucasian.
Peter: What does Caucasian mean?
Me: Fair-skinned. Wait...how does landing on a car mean that he doesn't have green skin?
Peter: Well, if an alien falls out of a spaceship and they don't really want to, they become a person. They keep their alien traits, though.
Me: And his parents let this happen?
Peter: No! They never knew they had a son!
Me: Oh-kay..... So they adopted a son when they bought their house. Do they like children? Even though theirs is human?
Peter: Yes, because he has a lot of fishing skill, and they like fish. And, they really like that they can finally have somebody that's a Couch Potato in their family.
Me: And that's a good thing?
Peter: Yo, like totally!
Me: Okay. Let's talk about where their son got adopted to in a few minutes. I want to ask Laura about her families. Which is your favorite?
Laura: The artist one I just made with the lady and the guy I made to be her husband.
Me: Yes.... and they are nocturnal?
Laura: Yes. The guy is a Ghosthunter, so he has to get up at all times of night, and the mom is an artist (that's her job) and she works at home. So she can sleep whenever she wants, and stay up as late as she wants. They're going to have kids soon.
Me: Twins? Triplets?
Laura: Singlets!
Me: Oh. What about your other families?
Laura: Oh, well, which one? Do you want to talk about the celebrity one?
Me: There's a celebrity one?
Laura: Yes. She's a five-star celebrity and lives in a cool house--
Me: The one with a dance floor, pool, hot tub, and lots of windows?
Laura: That's the one. She loves to paint and she loves music and she has a butler.
Me: *gasps* Bertram Plunkett?
Laura: No. But, maybe, actually. Um, she is not married (yet) and if there were pets on Sims 3 she would have pets.
Me: Any other families?
Laura: Uh, yes. Well, there's a family with a mom and a dad and the dad is a Police and the mom is an Investigator. Their kids include a child boy and a toddler girl. I think the boy's name is Walter.
Me: And they live in a very small apartment.
Laura: No, I moved them.
Me: Really?
Laura: Yes. Now their apartment is the whole floor.
Me: Ooh.
Laura: Their whole family is good at Logic.
Me: Cool. So, Peter, tell us about the family your guy was adopted into.
Peter: Huh?
Me: The 'naughty boys' household.
Peter: Oh, yeah! Well, the Naughty Boys were pretty naughty!
Laura: Tell them about the nice mom.
Peter: Later. And the baby was a fighter in crime.
Me: Didn't he sleep outside?
Peter: For just one night!
Me: I think that's illegal.
Peter: Let me tell you about a different family.
Me: *sighs* You may talk about the Ninjas later.
Peter: *sigh* Not the Ninjas!
Me: So, what?
Peter: The family that, you know, created the Smasher!
Laura: You mean the Chinese family? Then I get to talk about it too, because I made a character. I made the girl.
Me: Please. Let's move on either to elaboration on the Naughty Boys or your architecture techniques.
Peter: Well, the Naughty Boys *sigh* I don't really know where they live.
Me: *sigh* Let's move on to architecture. I know that both of you like excessive lighting!
Laura: I like lighting!
Peter: Well, I make graveyards a lot! I accidentally made one when I tried to make an outdoor sleeping place.
Laura: He had the graveyard statue.
Peter: Hey! I put Stonehenge in too! I think. But now I'm sure I made beds, too.
Laura: Yes, you did.
Peter: I also put in an outdoor grill.
Me: Do you like basements?
Laura and Peter: Yes!
Me: Do you ever make nine-story-tall houses?
Laura: Five and three, yes.
Peter: No. I can do only three stories.
Me: Do you 'Edit Town'?
Peter: I delete the school. And the Criminal career. I turned it into a nice park, aka accidentally a graveyard.
Me: I thought you did that to the school, too.
Peter: No.
Me: On the Ninjas.
Peter: No, both of them were parks.
Laura: *leaves*
Me: Go get her!
Peter: No. I'm leaving, too.
Me: *dejected*